Joy and misery — what determines how we live our lives?
On a long bank holiday in England while the country is celebrating the Platinum Jubilee, in between bouts of gardening and watching The French Open Tennis at Roland Garros on TV, I’m reading “Mother’s Boy: A Writer’s Beginnings” by Howard Jacobson. I’m also reading Taste: My Life in Food by Stanley Tucci. They are both memoirs of sorts but that’s the only similarity.
Jacobson, who has written some very funny books but apparently, hadn’t had a very happy life, has this conversation with his mother:
“‘I’d rather have an interesting, miserable life than a boring, mediocre, happy one.’
‘What about an interesting, happy life?’
‘No such thing. It’s the misery that creates the interest.’
‘You describe to me, then, what you want from life.’
‘I want to be fulfilled.’”
While the first book has me pondering on whether “an interesting, miserable life” is better than “a boring, mediocre one” (Jacobson’s view) the second book has me believing that the sheer joyfulness of food, drink, family, and play can overcome real tragedy.
The early lives of the two writers have some similarities in that they both refer extensively to their family culture: Jacobson’s Jewish parents from Lithuania and Ukraine settled in Manchester, Tucci’s extended Italian family settled in Westchester, New York, but their their approach to life is very different.
Stanley Tucci’s first wife, Kathryn Spath, died of breast cancer, leaving him with three young children to raise, but his book is full of love and a joyful humour that makes me laugh out loud. Jacobson, while admitting he had nothing to complain about, seems to have been determinedly miserable from a very early age.
It often strikes me that a lot of art is created by people who struggle with life. I’ve never really felt that way — I’ve been blessed with a benign existence — but I often wonder, do we have to suffer to create art that speaks to other people?
I’m not drawing any conclusions except its good to read a variety of styles, learn about different lives and marvel at the infinite variety of people that make up this human race of ours.
